What Not To Do in History of Magic
by The Werewolf Mage
Summary: McGonagall catches James goofing in History of Magic, and he's assigned an essay describing things that just shouldn't be done in History of Magic. Even if it is boring. K to be safe


Title: What Not to Do in History of Magic

Summary: McGonagall catches James goofing in History of Magic, and he's assigned an essay describing things that just shouldn't be done in History of Magic. Even if it is boring.

Note: I don't really care if you hate it or not. I'm just doing it to calm myself down after dealing with a jerkoff asshole earlier.

History of Magic, the most boring class in the history of forever. Now you had your normal ways of dealing with it, like passing notes and sleeping through the lesson. Then there's the James Potter way; basically being as loud, annoying, and causing any forms of distraction that would draw attention to yourself.

And the best part? Binns paid no mind to the 'James Potter way' of the class. He just kept droning.

And hardly any other teachers came in the classroom, which made it perfect for someone like James Potter to disrupt the lesson.

However, that afternoon happened to be one of those rare occasions when another teacher came to the classroom. And that happened to be Professor McGonagall. "Professor Binns, I need – JAMES POTTER! WHAT ON EARTH DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING!" she demanded, ignoring the other students, most of whom where asleep or drawing, her gaze falling on James, who was half-way on his desk, a grin oozing mischief on his face.

However, upon hearing Professor McGonagall, he turned, giving her as innocent a smile as he could muster, and asked, "Oh, nothing at all, Professor. There was a fly, I just – do you need any help?" he asked, his gaze falling on the parchment she had dropped.

With a glare of annoyance at James, McGonagall flicked her wand, all of her parchment returning neat and orderly in her hand. However, she said, "A word outside, Mister Potter."

With a look that seemed as though he were heading to the gallows, James hopped off his desk and headed out the door McGonagall was holding open.

The best part? Binns didn't notice a thing. He just kept on droning about giant wars.

After the lesson, James found himself rambling about how unfair McGonagall was. "I mean, it's not like I was the ONLY one not paying attention! And she's making me do an essay! 'Things I Shouldn't Do in History of Magic!' Who knew McGonagall now assigned themes?"

"I daresay you deserve it, James." Remus pointed out. "Sure, no one else was taking notes, but no one else was on their desk, now were they?"

"Who asked you?" James demanded.

"You know, the only reason she gave you that theme was so she could show Dumbledore." Sirius pointed out.

With that, James let out a groan and sadly trudged to the Great Hall for what he acted like was his last dinner.

He did not eat. Instead of waiting around for the other three, he headed back to the Common Room, to start his essay.

"Let's get this over with." he muttered, settling himself at a far table of the nearly-empty Common Room.

_Things That Are Not Allowed in History of Magic_

_by James Potter because Professor McGonagall is forcing me to write it._

_Well, you asked for it, Professor. A summary of sorts of things I, or someone I know, have done that is basically against school rules while in History of Magic. Can't you cut me some slack, though? I mean, it IS a rather boring lesson. Admit it!_

_First and foremost, one should never climb on their desk during the lesson. Mainly because you never know when, or if, your Head of House will walk in the classroom to catch you. I can't even remember what I was doing, but now I know saying I was swatting at a fly is a really bad excuse to use._

_Let's see... what else have I, or someone I know, done that would interest you? And Professor Dumbledore because I know you're going to show it to him._

_Ah, tickling sleeping girls with our quills. I'm pretty certain that, even though I, or someone else I know, may enjoy it, the girls might not. They might even go so far as to slap you, which calls for people pointing and laughing at you for the rest of the day. And possibly all of the following morning._

_Of course, some girls DO enjoy that, but I really doubt you'd like to know, Professor._

_Climbing the bookshelves isn't allowed, either. I don't see why. Sure, it's kind of dangerous, but it also provides good upper-body strength and helps the ability to dodge when there's someone below and you kick books down at them._

_I guess calling Remus a nerd because he takes notes isn't allowed, either._

_Drawing rude caricatures of the Slytherins really isn't allowed. Even though most of us agree that it makes the vast majority of them look loads better. I even did one of you, Professor. Although, I think I made your bum too big. And your mouth, because you were yelling. Lily thought it was cute, in a weird sort of way._

_Speaking of Lily, I suppose I'm not allowed to ask her out during class, either._

_I'm really not allowed to bewitch the chalk to write rude things on the blackboard as Binns talks, either, am I? Or bribe Peeves into doing it. Or blackmail Peter into doing it. Or running up to the board and doing it in person._

_Let's see... what else is there? Ah, the ever-so-popular Imitate Binns by Standing Beside Him, pretending to babble and making rude motions behind his back. I'm really glad you didn't catch me, erm, someone I know, doing THAT, Professor._

_I would have surely gotten more than this little essay for that stint._

_Sure, I haven't listed everything, but who wants to know everything? Besides, it would take up about seven rolls of parchment, one for each year. _

_And by that, I mean in Snape's cramped handwriting. In mind, it would be about ten times as more. How do you even READ that greasy git's handwriting?_

_In conclusion, and I should have done this a long time ago, nothing FUN is allowed inside the History of Magic classroom._

James grinned happily at his essay. It was sure to earn him at least a month of detention, but he had a point. And Sirius agreed after reading it.

"You're right, mate. Nothing fun is allowed in that classroom. But we're still going to have fun, are we not? It's not like McGonagall is going to be in the classroom, watching our every move."

"Love the sarcasm, James." Remus said, his voice oozing sarcasm itself. "But I'm not sure McGonagall, or Dumbledore, will."

"Hey, they asked for it." James shrugged. "Reckon I should show it to Lily?"

"No way, Prongs. She'd rip it up and make you do something not sarcastic. And not truthful." Sirius pointed out.

"True." James nodded sadly. "Ah, well, let's go turn it in. Who wants to go with me?" he asked, rubbing his hands together excitedly and grinning at Remus, Sirius and Peter.

Remus quickly passed, not wanting to get in trouble with McGonagall. Sirius and Peter, however, quickly followed James to the staff room, where McGonagall, Dumbledore, and Binns were. "I finished my essay!" James announced, handing it to McGonagall.

"This soon?" she asked, scanning it. Then she slowly re-read it, with Dumbledore reading over her shoulder. James waited for their response, bouncing excitedly on the balls of his feet with Peter and Sirius trying to suppress their sniggers behind him.

Ten minutes later, James found himself back in the Common Room, with Remus glancing between the three of them. "Well?" he asked. "How did it go?"

"A month of detention." James sighed dramatically. "And I'm supposed to redo it, without the sarcasm."

"And we get a month because she figured we egged him on." Sirius frowned.

"But it was so worth it." James smirked.


End file.
